this post is dedicated to the unwashed 80% who I occasionally meet in forums. The masses who simply repeat what has already been said before, or who use google searches to try inflate their meagre intelligence, or even the bottom-feeders who will read the first line of a (lengthy) post and then suggest solutions which have already been discussed by others.
Yes, I'm talking about YOU.
And I've now realised something about YOU. YOU cant be changed, even if I somehow manage to educate YOU, "they" will just replace YOU with an improved version, the best I can do is laugh at YOU, ignore YOU, or block YOU. Because God knows, YOU have tested my patience to the maximum. But because of YOU, I get to understand humans better, and YOU are an intricate part of that equation.
But there is still one problem with YOU. YOU are stupid.
And the problem with stupid people involved in technology, is that they dont know they are stupid. Which creates a huge problem for me, when I try to correct something you believe is true.
A stupid person is too stupid to know they are stupid, and they are too stupid to understand why they are stupid because they cant understand what you are trying to explain to them, and why they are wrong, and by not understanding my explanation they believe they are still correct. Which makes me look stupid.
So, here's to YOU, the stupid chap. I cant change YOU, I cant make you understand that you are stupid, but heck, as long as you are happy and breeding I'll have somebody to laugh at in the small hours of the morning.
Saturday 1 December 2007
Thursday 6 September 2007
EZ hack, FON 0.7.1 r5
It is truly amazing how sometmes the easiest things turn out to be the most difficult and long winded, yet on reflection it is trivially simple once you know how.
I received a FON router a few days ago, but never got around to setting it up, although I had done a few for family and friends already, off to ddwrt land.
So, last night I promptly plugged mine in and opened up sshenable.html (right click, save as http://uselesshacks.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/sshenable.htm) to sort out dropbear (I didnt check firmware version, just assumed it was 0.7.1 r2 like all the rest I had done. The html injection produced an error page, and thereafter every page on the router produced the dreaded "bus error" text on a plain white background.
The only page that still responded was the firmware upgrade page, so I went to fons website, downloaded the firmware and flashed the router, and voila it worked fine.
Except I was now on 0.7.1 r5????!!! huh!!!??
I tried sshenable again, but had the same error on the dhcp page. I tried to change the dns address to the "well known one" and use putty to ssh in, but that didnt work either, multiple times.
I hit the fon boards in desperation, only to find that some say r5 works with the dns server hack (although I had the distinct impression they hadnt tried) whilst others say r5 is immune to it.
The changelog for r5 shows it is now immune to the dns server hack. I either had to crack this thing open and do the serial port mod, or wait until someone came out with a hack.
Like me.
This is how you do it.
run sshenable, this produces a dreaded error, and will probably give you "bus errors" on every page. That is good.
Go and download winpcap
Go and download ap51-flash-fonera-gui-1.0-24.exe
http://fon.testbox.dk/flashing/GUIflasher/
find your way here http://www.dd-wrt.com/dd-wrtv2/down.php?path=downloads%2Frelease+candidates%2FDD-WRT+v24+RC2%2FFonera/
and go get root.fs and vmlinux.bin.l7
you are set.
open up ap-51, slect for rootfs the file root.fs
for kernel, select your file vmlinux.bin.l7
tick the box that say ddwrt..nvram.
make sure your fon router is unplugged from the mains, but the ethernet cable is plugged in to your pc. It doesnt matter what your pc's ipaddress is set to.
now, clikc the "go" button in ap-51, wait a few seconds while the errors go past, then plug the fon into the power. IN around 10 seconds you should see some status messages going by, and you will see root.fs being uploaded to your fon, automagically. It will then proceed to flash root.fs Be aware, this took me 13 minutes.
the seond, automatic stage, is where the kernel is written and flashed to the fonera, this will take a further 8 minutes or so...once complete ap-51 will close with no messages, and your fon will reboot.
Leave it alone for about 10 minutes, let it do it's thing....then try to connect via the ethernet port..it should be on 192.168.1.1
you should also see a wireless ssid pop up, dd-wrt.
Smile, sit back and have a smoke, for we are complete.
P.S. I dont do pictures, the text is comprehensive, but if you dont understand I can explain further in the comments.
I am not sure at which stage ssh became enabled permanently, but it was before using ap-51, so perhaps it was a basic recovery built into the fon after half-bricking it with sshenable.html. I know I didnt consciously do it myself. Also, the dns server hack was not working for me, and if by magic it did,, t would only enable ssh for that session, whereas my router had ssh on permanently after the half-brick.
If you prefer, you can use ap-51 with no files selected, and you will end up with fon firmware and freifunk extensions, with ssh on by default if you want to upgrade somewhere else
Enjoy
I received a FON router a few days ago, but never got around to setting it up, although I had done a few for family and friends already, off to ddwrt land.
So, last night I promptly plugged mine in and opened up sshenable.html (right click, save as http://uselesshacks.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/sshenable.htm) to sort out dropbear (I didnt check firmware version, just assumed it was 0.7.1 r2 like all the rest I had done. The html injection produced an error page, and thereafter every page on the router produced the dreaded "bus error" text on a plain white background.
The only page that still responded was the firmware upgrade page, so I went to fons website, downloaded the firmware and flashed the router, and voila it worked fine.
Except I was now on 0.7.1 r5????!!! huh!!!??
I tried sshenable again, but had the same error on the dhcp page. I tried to change the dns address to the "well known one" and use putty to ssh in, but that didnt work either, multiple times.
I hit the fon boards in desperation, only to find that some say r5 works with the dns server hack (although I had the distinct impression they hadnt tried) whilst others say r5 is immune to it.
The changelog for r5 shows it is now immune to the dns server hack. I either had to crack this thing open and do the serial port mod, or wait until someone came out with a hack.
Like me.
This is how you do it.
run sshenable, this produces a dreaded error, and will probably give you "bus errors" on every page. That is good.
Go and download winpcap
Go and download ap51-flash-fonera-gui-1.0-24.exe
http://fon.testbox.dk/flashing/GUIflasher/
find your way here http://www.dd-wrt.com/dd-wrtv2/down.php?path=downloads%2Frelease+candidates%2FDD-WRT+v24+RC2%2FFonera/
and go get root.fs and vmlinux.bin.l7
you are set.
open up ap-51, slect for rootfs the file root.fs
for kernel, select your file vmlinux.bin.l7
tick the box that say ddwrt..nvram.
make sure your fon router is unplugged from the mains, but the ethernet cable is plugged in to your pc. It doesnt matter what your pc's ipaddress is set to.
now, clikc the "go" button in ap-51, wait a few seconds while the errors go past, then plug the fon into the power. IN around 10 seconds you should see some status messages going by, and you will see root.fs being uploaded to your fon, automagically. It will then proceed to flash root.fs Be aware, this took me 13 minutes.
the seond, automatic stage, is where the kernel is written and flashed to the fonera, this will take a further 8 minutes or so...once complete ap-51 will close with no messages, and your fon will reboot.
Leave it alone for about 10 minutes, let it do it's thing....then try to connect via the ethernet port..it should be on 192.168.1.1
you should also see a wireless ssid pop up, dd-wrt.
Smile, sit back and have a smoke, for we are complete.
P.S. I dont do pictures, the text is comprehensive, but if you dont understand I can explain further in the comments.
I am not sure at which stage ssh became enabled permanently, but it was before using ap-51, so perhaps it was a basic recovery built into the fon after half-bricking it with sshenable.html. I know I didnt consciously do it myself. Also, the dns server hack was not working for me, and if by magic it did,, t would only enable ssh for that session, whereas my router had ssh on permanently after the half-brick.
If you prefer, you can use ap-51 with no files selected, and you will end up with fon firmware and freifunk extensions, with ssh on by default if you want to upgrade somewhere else
Enjoy
Saturday 21 July 2007
5 pieces of plastic
I havent updated in a while..my excuse is that I am too busy doing some minor little jobs on the cars, and busy fitting a carpc, which in itself is a time consuming affair.
One of the minor jobs that needed doing, which I absultely have to fix is a small repair on the electric front window. This needs adjusting, which means I have to remove the door cards to get to the little motor adjustments.
And, being a BMW, you absolutely WILL break and/or lose some of the little door card clips, so as any good DIYer would do, you order some in advance so that when it is time to do the job, all required parts are available.
Unbeknown to me, this decision would prove to be one I would rather forget.
I went to our local ECP (Euro Carparts) and ordered the plastic bits, 5 of (keep some spare) for a total or about 11p each if I remember correctly.. Yes, I spent almost a £1 with them on these items, but while I was there I picked up a headlight for the wife's wagon and some other bits and bobs, as you do
Their website showed the part in stock, and the local branch's computer system showed the parts in stock, so I paid. But when it came time to physically get the parts, oh no...an empty parts bin...they were gone.
Having worked in stock control systems before, I know how easy it is to lose or mislay small low value items, so I had a bit of a laugh.
ECP said it would be there on monday morning (this was a saturday), but I can only get to them on wednesday or a friday...so I said I will pop in on wednesday. Wednesday I was unavailable, so I ended up going to them on friday. Oh no (second time)..looks like the parts have arrived, but someone has nicked them (apparently a lot of ECP staff drive E36 bmw's and they have a craving for door clips). The guy serving me, however, handily noted the headlight etc on my order was in stock and started picking them and giving them to me, and I, like a true born honest person, reminded him I am happy with the headlight I had already got on that order, and he can keep the second headlight he was about to give to me, free of charge, as per incompetent rule #1
No problem, says the smiling ECP staff member, referring to my non-existent door clips, he will order some more and put them in his draw, and keep them for me.
So, the next Saturday I go back...Oh no (3rd time)...the parts are missing again. Did mr ECP put them in his draw? like fuck he did. No problem, he will order some more (by this time I am thinking to sell any shares in ECP and put them into chinese plastic factories) and put them in his draw (again) and...and..he is going to LOCK his draw (ooooohhhhh....)
and so we come to this morning's caper.
pitch up at ECP, stand in the queue, and see their coca-cola machine. £1 for 500ml, but it is hot so I put my pound into the machine, and select my beverage of choice. SOLD OUT flashes on the display...so I pick my second one..SOLD OUT...and my third..SOLD OUT.
In fact, every drink was sold out, and the ECP environmetalists keep the machine plugged in..because...because....?? fuck knows.
I ask the machine give me back my pound, but computer says no.
So now I am in the queue and hot and pissed off to boot.
And the smiling ECP man says to me..OH NO (door clips) not here...shakes his head...says he will order them in and have them by Monday. I wonder, is that ECP codespeak for "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, watch me wind up this knob guys!"
I pointed at my address on the invoice, and told him that is where he will deliver the parts on Wednesday. He told me no. I reminded him that that is where he will deliver the parts on wednesday. He told me no, again. I left.
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY:
I will no longer buy anything from ECP in woodford avenue, Ilford. You guys suck mounds of donkey shit, and then ask your customers to lick said donkey shit out of your butt-cracks. I have been waiting almost 2 months for 5 pieces of plastic and you cannot even get that right, even though I have been to see you (in total) around 6 times to collect these pieces of plastic. Your computer systems are paraffin driven and your staff (that I have come into contact with) could care less for the well-being of your customers.
And your coca-cola machine's password is 4231, but no worry, it is devoid of any liquids.
One of the minor jobs that needed doing, which I absultely have to fix is a small repair on the electric front window. This needs adjusting, which means I have to remove the door cards to get to the little motor adjustments.
And, being a BMW, you absolutely WILL break and/or lose some of the little door card clips, so as any good DIYer would do, you order some in advance so that when it is time to do the job, all required parts are available.
Unbeknown to me, this decision would prove to be one I would rather forget.
I went to our local ECP (Euro Carparts) and ordered the plastic bits, 5 of (keep some spare) for a total or about 11p each if I remember correctly.. Yes, I spent almost a £1 with them on these items, but while I was there I picked up a headlight for the wife's wagon and some other bits and bobs, as you do
Their website showed the part in stock, and the local branch's computer system showed the parts in stock, so I paid. But when it came time to physically get the parts, oh no...an empty parts bin...they were gone.
Having worked in stock control systems before, I know how easy it is to lose or mislay small low value items, so I had a bit of a laugh.
ECP said it would be there on monday morning (this was a saturday), but I can only get to them on wednesday or a friday...so I said I will pop in on wednesday. Wednesday I was unavailable, so I ended up going to them on friday. Oh no (second time)..looks like the parts have arrived, but someone has nicked them (apparently a lot of ECP staff drive E36 bmw's and they have a craving for door clips). The guy serving me, however, handily noted the headlight etc on my order was in stock and started picking them and giving them to me, and I, like a true born honest person, reminded him I am happy with the headlight I had already got on that order, and he can keep the second headlight he was about to give to me, free of charge, as per incompetent rule #1
No problem, says the smiling ECP staff member, referring to my non-existent door clips, he will order some more and put them in his draw, and keep them for me.
So, the next Saturday I go back...Oh no (3rd time)...the parts are missing again. Did mr ECP put them in his draw? like fuck he did. No problem, he will order some more (by this time I am thinking to sell any shares in ECP and put them into chinese plastic factories) and put them in his draw (again) and...and..he is going to LOCK his draw (ooooohhhhh....)
and so we come to this morning's caper.
pitch up at ECP, stand in the queue, and see their coca-cola machine. £1 for 500ml, but it is hot so I put my pound into the machine, and select my beverage of choice. SOLD OUT flashes on the display...so I pick my second one..SOLD OUT...and my third..SOLD OUT.
In fact, every drink was sold out, and the ECP environmetalists keep the machine plugged in..because...because....?? fuck knows.
I ask the machine give me back my pound, but computer says no.
So now I am in the queue and hot and pissed off to boot.
And the smiling ECP man says to me..OH NO (door clips) not here...shakes his head...says he will order them in and have them by Monday. I wonder, is that ECP codespeak for "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, watch me wind up this knob guys!"
I pointed at my address on the invoice, and told him that is where he will deliver the parts on Wednesday. He told me no. I reminded him that that is where he will deliver the parts on wednesday. He told me no, again. I left.
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY:
I will no longer buy anything from ECP in woodford avenue, Ilford. You guys suck mounds of donkey shit, and then ask your customers to lick said donkey shit out of your butt-cracks. I have been waiting almost 2 months for 5 pieces of plastic and you cannot even get that right, even though I have been to see you (in total) around 6 times to collect these pieces of plastic. Your computer systems are paraffin driven and your staff (that I have come into contact with) could care less for the well-being of your customers.
And your coca-cola machine's password is 4231, but no worry, it is devoid of any liquids.
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Bad pearl in the Oyster
Living in London has benefits, mainly the public transport. Living here means you do not NEED to have a car, as getting to work using the busses or tube is a fairly uncomplicated affair, and on the whole, just as reliable as going by car.
But there has been a scary trend in the pricing...since 1997 the price of a single bus fare has risen from 40p to £2. A 500% increase, easily outpacing the rising cost of housing. However, there is an answer; the Oyster card.
This pre-paid invention is a touch-based payment system, recharge it when you can with credit, then just touch in and out of busses and tubes.
It was initially meant to work similar to a single-sign on system. Charge up your Oyster card with cash, and use it to pay for goods wherever you see the Oyster sign. Except, you dont see the sign anywhere, because the idea flopped...I mean, what is wrong with using ££££'s?
So, the mayor and crew sat down and had a rethink. *THEY* really wanted people to use the Oyster card. else the hidden agenda wont work. and we cant have the hidden agenda not working.
The rethink came through and was approved, and we now have dual pricing schemes. Use an Oyster card, and only pay £1 for the bus fare...a normal cash paying customer has to pay £2. Yes, it seems an Oyster card it such a powerful item is makes busses use 50% less fuel, and you arse takes up 50% less space on the seats. Not only that, but amazingly you can board the bus 50% quicker.
I hope they got a patent on this thing.
Discrimination? Perhaps...but it goes deeper than that.
This week *THEY* announced the Oyster card has now been blessed by the Pope with even more extraordinary prowess, and the fare for Oyster card holders has been reduced to 90p. A full 10% decrease.
The rest still pay £2, cash, queen's money. The Oyster ruleth grand.
This recent announcement made me sit up and take fresh notice on this Oyster issue..previously I had wondered "why", but now I was genuinely curious. Where is the motivation? Sure, cash has some disadvantages, but £1.10 difference in price for a simple bus journey? What if you elect not to have an Oyster card? As a free society, surely I can choose not to get an Oyster card, the same way I choose not to get a credit card, yet still have a bank account?
It would seem *THEY* will do almost anything to get everyone using an Oyster card, and the pricing reduction is a very strong motivator. Unpuzzling the puzzle leaves me with unanswered questions, but most of them point to 1984.
Mr de Menezes was shot on the tube in 2005 when he was a suspected terrorist.
Several others detonated a few crude bombs recently.
Tracking these poeople wouldve been a heck of a lot easier using an Oyster card.
Lets look at the requirements to get an Oyster card.
...
actually, I cant find the list anywhere online, but having asked a few Oyster users it seems that personally identifiable information IS needed. You cannot get an Oyster card anonymously. So, we have our bait, and we have the catch. This is almost like a little id card now isnt it..packed full of travel habits.
The Oyster card blurb (available here https://sales.oystercard.com/oyster/lul/registerCustomerCard.do?method=display )
mentions
You can view your pay as you go journey history
(p.s. naive travellers, this means so can we....)
Jackpot!
Excuse me, but how is having my travel information available to me any benefit? Do I have such a bad case of altzheimers that I cant remember weekdays I went to work, and then came home?
What price freedom? £1.10 seems to work for most of the London residents. And passwords can be exchanged for candy bars.
I'm not getting an Oyster card. It doesnt inconvenience me too much, as I only use the busses twice a week to go to the pub and get drunk. But I can see how they are using pricing pressures to get us to hand over our details, bit by bit.
When doing Penetration Testing on vulnerable systems, very often one crack leads to another, and another, and another, until you open bigger cracks that didnt really exist. The only way to have a strong unbroken chain is to inspect all the links. An Oyster card is definitely a very broken link in your privacy and anonymity.
But there has been a scary trend in the pricing...since 1997 the price of a single bus fare has risen from 40p to £2. A 500% increase, easily outpacing the rising cost of housing. However, there is an answer; the Oyster card.
This pre-paid invention is a touch-based payment system, recharge it when you can with credit, then just touch in and out of busses and tubes.
It was initially meant to work similar to a single-sign on system. Charge up your Oyster card with cash, and use it to pay for goods wherever you see the Oyster sign. Except, you dont see the sign anywhere, because the idea flopped...I mean, what is wrong with using ££££'s?
So, the mayor and crew sat down and had a rethink. *THEY* really wanted people to use the Oyster card. else the hidden agenda wont work. and we cant have the hidden agenda not working.
The rethink came through and was approved, and we now have dual pricing schemes. Use an Oyster card, and only pay £1 for the bus fare...a normal cash paying customer has to pay £2. Yes, it seems an Oyster card it such a powerful item is makes busses use 50% less fuel, and you arse takes up 50% less space on the seats. Not only that, but amazingly you can board the bus 50% quicker.
I hope they got a patent on this thing.
Discrimination? Perhaps...but it goes deeper than that.
This week *THEY* announced the Oyster card has now been blessed by the Pope with even more extraordinary prowess, and the fare for Oyster card holders has been reduced to 90p. A full 10% decrease.
The rest still pay £2, cash, queen's money. The Oyster ruleth grand.
This recent announcement made me sit up and take fresh notice on this Oyster issue..previously I had wondered "why", but now I was genuinely curious. Where is the motivation? Sure, cash has some disadvantages, but £1.10 difference in price for a simple bus journey? What if you elect not to have an Oyster card? As a free society, surely I can choose not to get an Oyster card, the same way I choose not to get a credit card, yet still have a bank account?
It would seem *THEY* will do almost anything to get everyone using an Oyster card, and the pricing reduction is a very strong motivator. Unpuzzling the puzzle leaves me with unanswered questions, but most of them point to 1984.
Mr de Menezes was shot on the tube in 2005 when he was a suspected terrorist.
Several others detonated a few crude bombs recently.
Tracking these poeople wouldve been a heck of a lot easier using an Oyster card.
Lets look at the requirements to get an Oyster card.
...
actually, I cant find the list anywhere online, but having asked a few Oyster users it seems that personally identifiable information IS needed. You cannot get an Oyster card anonymously. So, we have our bait, and we have the catch. This is almost like a little id card now isnt it..packed full of travel habits.
The Oyster card blurb (available here https://sales.oystercard.com/oyster/lul/registerCustomerCard.do?method=display )
mentions
You can view your pay as you go journey history
(p.s. naive travellers, this means so can we....)
Jackpot!
Excuse me, but how is having my travel information available to me any benefit? Do I have such a bad case of altzheimers that I cant remember weekdays I went to work, and then came home?
What price freedom? £1.10 seems to work for most of the London residents. And passwords can be exchanged for candy bars.
I'm not getting an Oyster card. It doesnt inconvenience me too much, as I only use the busses twice a week to go to the pub and get drunk. But I can see how they are using pricing pressures to get us to hand over our details, bit by bit.
When doing Penetration Testing on vulnerable systems, very often one crack leads to another, and another, and another, until you open bigger cracks that didnt really exist. The only way to have a strong unbroken chain is to inspect all the links. An Oyster card is definitely a very broken link in your privacy and anonymity.
Thursday 7 June 2007
London 2012 Olympic Logo
Yippee! The Olympic logo has been launched. If you squint really hard, and drink brandy for fun, it look slike it says "2012" with a weird umlaut on the third character. Maybe just a typo heh...
Personally, my kid couldve done it with a crayon, while attempting to impart his artist skills and fashion a tree. But we keep getting told that the designers need to share their thoughts with us, so we can see the inner meaning of the logo.
Or, as Ken Livingstone said (him of London mayor fame, him who is paying for this shindig) "i didnt actually get a boner looking at it" (ok, those arent his exact words, but that is kinda what he said.
The truth is, he shouldve got a boner looking at it. It looks uncannily like Lisa Simpson giving a blowjob. Maybe that is the hidden meaning the designers wanted to impress upon us. Sex is exercise. Either way, a recent poll showed that we dont like the logo, we think it is pants, and, by the way, did I mention WE PAID FOR IT OUT OF OUR TAX MONEY. Four Hundred Thousand Pounds. At the current exchange rate (and the US debt) that is about 17 bazillion US dollars, or 49 google canadian dollars.
Unfortunately, we cant blame Canada for this one, we can only blame ourselves. If I actually had a choice, the goatse version woudve done better. They just forgot to draw the lubricant we need to use when the council tax goes up, traffic comes to a standstill and shops start charging ludicrous prices for everyday items. All because some chaps want to run around in circles, fast, and others feel like throwing a spear or a hammer.
I thought that as a society we had progressed past this. Gimme the non-competitive olympics. That way the lone chap from some long forgotten african dictatorship who goes to the olympics all by himself, and in the opening ceremony is the only twat that carries his own flag will get a chance for a medal.
Personally, my kid couldve done it with a crayon, while attempting to impart his artist skills and fashion a tree. But we keep getting told that the designers need to share their thoughts with us, so we can see the inner meaning of the logo.
Or, as Ken Livingstone said (him of London mayor fame, him who is paying for this shindig) "i didnt actually get a boner looking at it" (ok, those arent his exact words, but that is kinda what he said.
The truth is, he shouldve got a boner looking at it. It looks uncannily like Lisa Simpson giving a blowjob. Maybe that is the hidden meaning the designers wanted to impress upon us. Sex is exercise. Either way, a recent poll showed that we dont like the logo, we think it is pants, and, by the way, did I mention WE PAID FOR IT OUT OF OUR TAX MONEY. Four Hundred Thousand Pounds. At the current exchange rate (and the US debt) that is about 17 bazillion US dollars, or 49 google canadian dollars.
Unfortunately, we cant blame Canada for this one, we can only blame ourselves. If I actually had a choice, the goatse version woudve done better. They just forgot to draw the lubricant we need to use when the council tax goes up, traffic comes to a standstill and shops start charging ludicrous prices for everyday items. All because some chaps want to run around in circles, fast, and others feel like throwing a spear or a hammer.
I thought that as a society we had progressed past this. Gimme the non-competitive olympics. That way the lone chap from some long forgotten african dictatorship who goes to the olympics all by himself, and in the opening ceremony is the only twat that carries his own flag will get a chance for a medal.
Wednesday 6 June 2007
4 Iconic Tech Toys that deserve to be owned and loved
I've had a fascination with techie toys for most of my adult life. My name is Warren and I like gadgets. However, meagre wages dictate that certain things are not to be owned from new. As such, they go on my wishlist.
Sometimes, the items I want go out of production before my wishlist and $bankaccount have agreed on favourable terms. What follows is my list of items that are still on my wishlist, but probably wont be mine, ever. If they do, they will make it into my little computer museum. I will get a boner.
1) Empeg - I cant really say it any better than wiki, this item really was so hot you just had to own one, but the price tag was stratospheric. Some died and as spares arent available it means most units that come up for sale are snapped up by empeg owners, and used as spare parts. Even with the state of current car-pc systems, something that just slots into a single din unt is very desirable. The active developer community behind this item gives it longevity.
2) Apple emate 300 - once again there is a lot of info on wiki about this very popular item. What use does it have in this day and age? Well, something that takes very little energy, is still handy for quick notes etc and is available cheaply always scores highly in my books. This little cutey is right up there with the best..
3) I-Opener - this internet appliance was a little Jeckyll and Hyde when it came out. Marketed as a dumb internet appliance it could be easily hacked to run windows 98, with networking, sound and usb. What better way to quickly set up a second pc in the kids bedroom for web surfing duties?? The price was attractive too, but was only available on contract in the USA. The UK was left behind. Donations accepted :-)
4) Abacus PDA watch (by Fossil) - ok, this here little watch is actually an (almost) fully functioning palm computer. Where this concept shines is in the developer community. Third party applications extend this watch to a point where you seldom need anything else on you. Plus, you can change the watch faces with a lovely utility, giving you almost endless watch displays. I would love to see this watch integrated with the time telling systems over at TokyoFlash , hehehe
There we have it, a few lovely little items which will surely brighten up my birthdays:-). The astute reader will notice a common trend in these devices (besides the fact that they all use electricity)...each one of these is easily hackable to perform functions never intended by the original manufacturer. And on that note I would like to end this post...A certain exec once said "Developers, Developers, Developers" and then threw a chair (unconfirmed rumour). I would like to add, when designing a product, think of its expected lifetime, then once that lifetime is up, open up the sdk, grab the developer community and let them extend your product, and then take that feedback and learn from it.
Sometimes, the items I want go out of production before my wishlist and $bankaccount have agreed on favourable terms. What follows is my list of items that are still on my wishlist, but probably wont be mine, ever. If they do, they will make it into my little computer museum. I will get a boner.
1) Empeg - I cant really say it any better than wiki, this item really was so hot you just had to own one, but the price tag was stratospheric. Some died and as spares arent available it means most units that come up for sale are snapped up by empeg owners, and used as spare parts. Even with the state of current car-pc systems, something that just slots into a single din unt is very desirable. The active developer community behind this item gives it longevity.
2) Apple emate 300 - once again there is a lot of info on wiki about this very popular item. What use does it have in this day and age? Well, something that takes very little energy, is still handy for quick notes etc and is available cheaply always scores highly in my books. This little cutey is right up there with the best..
3) I-Opener - this internet appliance was a little Jeckyll and Hyde when it came out. Marketed as a dumb internet appliance it could be easily hacked to run windows 98, with networking, sound and usb. What better way to quickly set up a second pc in the kids bedroom for web surfing duties?? The price was attractive too, but was only available on contract in the USA. The UK was left behind. Donations accepted :-)
4) Abacus PDA watch (by Fossil) - ok, this here little watch is actually an (almost) fully functioning palm computer. Where this concept shines is in the developer community. Third party applications extend this watch to a point where you seldom need anything else on you. Plus, you can change the watch faces with a lovely utility, giving you almost endless watch displays. I would love to see this watch integrated with the time telling systems over at TokyoFlash , hehehe
There we have it, a few lovely little items which will surely brighten up my birthdays:-). The astute reader will notice a common trend in these devices (besides the fact that they all use electricity)...each one of these is easily hackable to perform functions never intended by the original manufacturer. And on that note I would like to end this post...A certain exec once said "Developers, Developers, Developers" and then threw a chair (unconfirmed rumour). I would like to add, when designing a product, think of its expected lifetime, then once that lifetime is up, open up the sdk, grab the developer community and let them extend your product, and then take that feedback and learn from it.
Sexual Abuse and two-faced women
Here I was, nothing much to do, so went channel hopping on our (meagre) selection of channels on offer. Joy of joys, Big Brother 2007 seems to have started (my sarcasm cup runneth over forthwith). This excuse for a tv program seems to have reached a new low this year, what with 11 women and one ex-boyband bloke all sharing a few bog rolls. If I was him I would find the nearest rope and hang myself.
Either way, the swimming pool was the setting. The bloke in shorts seems to be getting some lady attention and he found the urge to make a move and mission out of there, post haste. Around 8 women chased him, trapped him in the corner and were trying to pull his shorts off. All the time he was saying "no, no , no...no no"
It was all rather funny. Everyone was giggling. The didnt succeed though and he escaped with his pants intact.
And then my cogs went into action. Imagine the scene, Big Brother 2007, alternate-reality edition. 11 blokes and one woman (ex-girlband)..she wants to go for an innocent swim but the blokes wont leave her alone, they chase her into a corner and try to pull her costume off. She keeps saying "no, no, no...no no" but they persist.
Yes, now you know where the travesty lies. In this day and age we all strive for equal opportunity, equal representation and gender neutrality. In actual fact, things are far from equal. The males still get all the stick, and women still get liberties and the benefit of the doubt. The first scene was "innocent enough" yet the alternate-reality edition wouldve seen police arrive and not one of the blokes involved would be able to work in the public eye again.
Apparently, it is not possible for a woman to sexually abuse a man, even in 2007. Even if there are 11 of you against one man. And even if you do it on live tv. While he keeps saying "no, no no...no no" in protest.
Either way, the swimming pool was the setting. The bloke in shorts seems to be getting some lady attention and he found the urge to make a move and mission out of there, post haste. Around 8 women chased him, trapped him in the corner and were trying to pull his shorts off. All the time he was saying "no, no , no...no no"
It was all rather funny. Everyone was giggling. The didnt succeed though and he escaped with his pants intact.
And then my cogs went into action. Imagine the scene, Big Brother 2007, alternate-reality edition. 11 blokes and one woman (ex-girlband)..she wants to go for an innocent swim but the blokes wont leave her alone, they chase her into a corner and try to pull her costume off. She keeps saying "no, no, no...no no" but they persist.
Yes, now you know where the travesty lies. In this day and age we all strive for equal opportunity, equal representation and gender neutrality. In actual fact, things are far from equal. The males still get all the stick, and women still get liberties and the benefit of the doubt. The first scene was "innocent enough" yet the alternate-reality edition wouldve seen police arrive and not one of the blokes involved would be able to work in the public eye again.
Apparently, it is not possible for a woman to sexually abuse a man, even in 2007. Even if there are 11 of you against one man. And even if you do it on live tv. While he keeps saying "no, no no...no no" in protest.
Thursday 31 May 2007
Common AV Connectors Explained
This is gonna be a half-rant / half-tutorial post.
Look behind your modern tv and you will see a plethora of connections, some familiar and others that will make you say "wtf???!!!111oneoneone!!". I'm going to try simplify this for you, by ranking them in order of display quality, lobbing a picture for reference and an explanation of when they would be commonly used.
So, bingo, let's start
Worst to best ranking, with some ties.
1) RF - you should be familiar with this one already, RF=Radio Frequency,, and it is what you plug your aerial into. In the states this would be an f-connector with a screw thread, most of the rest of the world uses a push fit connector , with the socket having a female receptacle. As it says, this is for radio frequency, and will not give the best picture quality, at all. Ever. Stay Away From This if you have others options.
It looks like this
2) Composite - (NOTE: DONT CONFUSE WITH COMPONENT) composte is normally coloured yellow, the jack and the socket is yellow, it is a two wire system, one being signal and the other is a ground/shield wire. This is so common on most equipment that if you havent seen one yet you probably own a guide dog. It is better than RF, but not by much. All info has to get modulated into a single wire, and this causes loss of clarity and colour. As above, avoid if you have better options. Here is the guilty party
3) Svideo - (I am gonna say this once only, if you EVER, DARE, IN MY PRESENCE, to call this super-vhs and super-video I will use this on you. Repeatedly. Sure, some vhs machines did have svideo connectors, and they were super-vhs machines, BUT THE CONNECTOR IS CALLED SVIDEO. kappish? Svideo is a 4 wire system, 2 ground, a luminance and a chrominance wire. This is better than composite, at least everything isnt squashed into one wire anymore, and for the most part people can get along with svideo on normal sd crt tv's quite fine. The connector is keyed and can only be inserted one way correctly, but this hasnt stopped people from squashing it in wrong and mashing the pins. This wont help your picture quality, by the way.
A stunning example is here, dressed in black
4) RGB (red, green, blue...like magic) - Ok, we are onto the better stuff now. RGB has seperate wires for the three colours, and then normally a h-sync wire (horizontal sync) and a v-sync (vertical sync) (or sometimes only a c-sync, composite sync). Guess what, this is what your average old computer monitor uses in the vga connections. On a tv, the frequency is much lower, so they cant be swopped willy-nilly, and rgb shouldnt be interchanged with vga, but the concept can be likened to brothers. Most of the time rgb is implemented on a scart connector. Yes, I said scart connector. It is a connector, not a signal type. SCART can carry composite, or rgb, or svideo +audio and syncing/switcing/voltages, or combinations thereof. Picture here
5) Component (sometimes called YPrPb) - this is some good stuff here. Can carry hi-def signals, 3 seperate rca style jacks, colour coded so you cant really mess things up. One red, one green, one blue. No, they dont carry red green and blue data. Use these if you got 'em and nothing better spare..
6) vga - an analog connector - like your computer monitor uses, this is a 15 pin d-sub port, carrying rgb and sync signals. plug your computer into this jack if it is your lowest common connector
7) dvi/hdmi - very similar jacks...all digital and used for modern equipment, hi-def cable/satellite boxes, computers, xbox 360/ps3 etcetera. the hdmi port differs from dvi in that it carries the same data as a dvi port and in addition can carry audio. You can buy dvi-->hdmi cables pretty cheaply. Dont bother about super duper high quality cables, the picture will look the same...the only diff is the more expense cables may have better connectors, better strain relief and perhaps more robust shielding.
Ok, hope that helps clarify the waters a bit, and heed the super-vhs warning. I rarely kid aroudn when I got fresh batteries :-)
Look behind your modern tv and you will see a plethora of connections, some familiar and others that will make you say "wtf???!!!111oneoneone!!". I'm going to try simplify this for you, by ranking them in order of display quality, lobbing a picture for reference and an explanation of when they would be commonly used.
So, bingo, let's start
Worst to best ranking, with some ties.
1) RF - you should be familiar with this one already, RF=Radio Frequency,, and it is what you plug your aerial into. In the states this would be an f-connector with a screw thread, most of the rest of the world uses a push fit connector , with the socket having a female receptacle. As it says, this is for radio frequency, and will not give the best picture quality, at all. Ever. Stay Away From This if you have others options.
It looks like this
2) Composite - (NOTE: DONT CONFUSE WITH COMPONENT) composte is normally coloured yellow, the jack and the socket is yellow, it is a two wire system, one being signal and the other is a ground/shield wire. This is so common on most equipment that if you havent seen one yet you probably own a guide dog. It is better than RF, but not by much. All info has to get modulated into a single wire, and this causes loss of clarity and colour. As above, avoid if you have better options. Here is the guilty party
3) Svideo - (I am gonna say this once only, if you EVER, DARE, IN MY PRESENCE, to call this super-vhs and super-video I will use this on you. Repeatedly. Sure, some vhs machines did have svideo connectors, and they were super-vhs machines, BUT THE CONNECTOR IS CALLED SVIDEO. kappish? Svideo is a 4 wire system, 2 ground, a luminance and a chrominance wire. This is better than composite, at least everything isnt squashed into one wire anymore, and for the most part people can get along with svideo on normal sd crt tv's quite fine. The connector is keyed and can only be inserted one way correctly, but this hasnt stopped people from squashing it in wrong and mashing the pins. This wont help your picture quality, by the way.
A stunning example is here, dressed in black
4) RGB (red, green, blue...like magic) - Ok, we are onto the better stuff now. RGB has seperate wires for the three colours, and then normally a h-sync wire (horizontal sync) and a v-sync (vertical sync) (or sometimes only a c-sync, composite sync). Guess what, this is what your average old computer monitor uses in the vga connections. On a tv, the frequency is much lower, so they cant be swopped willy-nilly, and rgb shouldnt be interchanged with vga, but the concept can be likened to brothers. Most of the time rgb is implemented on a scart connector. Yes, I said scart connector. It is a connector, not a signal type. SCART can carry composite, or rgb, or svideo +audio and syncing/switcing/voltages, or combinations thereof. Picture here
5) Component (sometimes called YPrPb) - this is some good stuff here. Can carry hi-def signals, 3 seperate rca style jacks, colour coded so you cant really mess things up. One red, one green, one blue. No, they dont carry red green and blue data. Use these if you got 'em and nothing better spare..
6) vga - an analog connector - like your computer monitor uses, this is a 15 pin d-sub port, carrying rgb and sync signals. plug your computer into this jack if it is your lowest common connector
7) dvi/hdmi - very similar jacks...all digital and used for modern equipment, hi-def cable/satellite boxes, computers, xbox 360/ps3 etcetera. the hdmi port differs from dvi in that it carries the same data as a dvi port and in addition can carry audio. You can buy dvi-->hdmi cables pretty cheaply. Dont bother about super duper high quality cables, the picture will look the same...the only diff is the more expense cables may have better connectors, better strain relief and perhaps more robust shielding.
Ok, hope that helps clarify the waters a bit, and heed the super-vhs warning. I rarely kid aroudn when I got fresh batteries :-)
Tuesday 29 May 2007
Dealing with the csup.txt whql mda requirement
Microsoft slipped a very quiet reference to a file, csup.txt, into the mda2007 requirements. In fact, I only found reference to this file in ONE powerpoint slide.
Either way, the actual requirements are simple enough, the file should contain the "born on" date for the machine, so microsoft can use this for reference to check which windows critical updates should be installed. And if you jump through the hoop nicely, you may receive you mda money.
The file needs to contain the current date. Something like echo %date% > c:\windows\csup.txt should be ok, isnt it? Nope, date must be in american format.
So, if you DONT live in the states, and your machines regional settings arent in U.S. format, you will have to conjure up some magic. I searche donline and found some routines for batch files, and modified them a bit, and this works for me
----begin batch-----
rem get the day, date and month in a format we can work with
@For /F "tokens=1,2,3 delims=/ " %%A in ('Date /t') do @(
Set Day=%%A
Set Month=%%B
Set Year=%%C
)
@echo DAY = %Day%
@echo Month = %Month%
@echo Year = %Year%
rem this line reformats it to american date format, as required by ms
rem and then creates c:\windows\csup.txt using this information for whql
echo %month%-%day%-%year% > c:\windows\csup.txt
-----end batch------
first sections uses the date command to put the date into variables, %day%, %month% and %year%, we can then echo these variables in any format into csup.txt, as shown by the last line. This works great for me for grabbing UK date and reformatting as U.S, please experiment for your area to get the variables correct.
Either way, the actual requirements are simple enough, the file should contain the "born on" date for the machine, so microsoft can use this for reference to check which windows critical updates should be installed. And if you jump through the hoop nicely, you may receive you mda money.
The file needs to contain the current date. Something like echo %date% > c:\windows\csup.txt should be ok, isnt it? Nope, date must be in american format.
So, if you DONT live in the states, and your machines regional settings arent in U.S. format, you will have to conjure up some magic. I searche donline and found some routines for batch files, and modified them a bit, and this works for me
----begin batch-----
rem get the day, date and month in a format we can work with
@For /F "tokens=1,2,3 delims=/ " %%A in ('Date /t') do @(
Set Day=%%A
Set Month=%%B
Set Year=%%C
)
@echo DAY = %Day%
@echo Month = %Month%
@echo Year = %Year%
rem this line reformats it to american date format, as required by ms
rem and then creates c:\windows\csup.txt using this information for whql
echo %month%-%day%-%year% > c:\windows\csup.txt
-----end batch------
first sections uses the date command to put the date into variables, %day%, %month% and %year%, we can then echo these variables in any format into csup.txt, as shown by the last line. This works great for me for grabbing UK date and reformatting as U.S, please experiment for your area to get the variables correct.
The Confusing Popularity of MySpace
OK, lets get it out of the way. MySpace is huge, MySpace is popular, and MySpace is a word in common usage (hereafter referred to as myspace because typing those two capital letters is winding me up)
I bumped into someone recently, and I guess she knew how much I loved mobile phones, because she didnt ask for my phone number, she wanted my "myspace". Much as I wouldve loved to oblige, she obviously was not aware of how much I dont "get" myspace.
Long-winded explanation follows.
Many Many moons ago, yea, Al Gore he made the net, and it was good, the pipes were flowing, and then they made geocities.com. And it was good. And the people they flocked and opened up pages using the geocities page wizard, and suddenly everybody had a presence. I would wager that this almost kick-started the "homepage" phenomenon.
Goecities was where everybody (initially) planted their first internet seed, you didnt NEED to know html as they had a site-designer. you could have geocities.com/mynutsandI for no fee whatsoever. If fate hadnt conspired otherwise, the lady in question shouldve asked me for my geocities address.
So, I have now drawn a parallel between myspace and geocities, and I belive they are (were?) very much the same thing.
But some difference in implementation exist.
#1) myspace is made out to be cool, glamorous and beautiful people go there to write about themselves (actually, they pay others to write for them, and probably wouldnt recognise their own page layout if they had to pick from 10 samples)
#2) with myspace you can message each other (status: horribly broken I have been told)
So, where did geocities go wrong? My opinion is probably it was too early. The critical mass of users who would find this service handy hadnt bought computers yet, and once they had myspace was there to give them something they needed.
And the html (or whatever myspace uses) which they provide to users is so ugly that it is almost a comptetition to see who can get a page that doesnt flash black and white @ 10hz with links that shoot left by 10pixels when you hover over them.
They have taken geocities, and made it into web2.0. Launched an almost broken product and harnessed the users to make it work, deftly side-stepping the "large corporate" attitude many sites have, branding myspace as "cutesy and cuddly" at the same time, and sticking good looking woman there. And if you want to see their profiles, you have to sign up too.
All in all, a job well done. Take something that exists already (geocities) and relaunch it. Yeah, you can tell how impressed I am.
Needless to say, I'm not on myspace. And you are not getting my geocities address:-)
I bumped into someone recently, and I guess she knew how much I loved mobile phones, because she didnt ask for my phone number, she wanted my "myspace". Much as I wouldve loved to oblige, she obviously was not aware of how much I dont "get" myspace.
Long-winded explanation follows.
Many Many moons ago, yea, Al Gore he made the net, and it was good, the pipes were flowing, and then they made geocities.com. And it was good. And the people they flocked and opened up pages using the geocities page wizard, and suddenly everybody had a presence. I would wager that this almost kick-started the "homepage" phenomenon.
Goecities was where everybody (initially) planted their first internet seed, you didnt NEED to know html as they had a site-designer. you could have geocities.com/mynutsandI for no fee whatsoever. If fate hadnt conspired otherwise, the lady in question shouldve asked me for my geocities address.
So, I have now drawn a parallel between myspace and geocities, and I belive they are (were?) very much the same thing.
But some difference in implementation exist.
#1) myspace is made out to be cool, glamorous and beautiful people go there to write about themselves (actually, they pay others to write for them, and probably wouldnt recognise their own page layout if they had to pick from 10 samples)
#2) with myspace you can message each other (status: horribly broken I have been told)
So, where did geocities go wrong? My opinion is probably it was too early. The critical mass of users who would find this service handy hadnt bought computers yet, and once they had myspace was there to give them something they needed.
And the html (or whatever myspace uses) which they provide to users is so ugly that it is almost a comptetition to see who can get a page that doesnt flash black and white @ 10hz with links that shoot left by 10pixels when you hover over them.
They have taken geocities, and made it into web2.0. Launched an almost broken product and harnessed the users to make it work, deftly side-stepping the "large corporate" attitude many sites have, branding myspace as "cutesy and cuddly" at the same time, and sticking good looking woman there. And if you want to see their profiles, you have to sign up too.
All in all, a job well done. Take something that exists already (geocities) and relaunch it. Yeah, you can tell how impressed I am.
Needless to say, I'm not on myspace. And you are not getting my geocities address:-)
Saturday 26 May 2007
Dealing with the hoodie phenomenon, effectively
A long time ago in a far away place there once lived a man called Jack The Ripper. Mr Jack wasn't such a nice bloke, he had these urges to kill and maim prostitutes. And he was never found. I'm not sure if he was the first, but he was definitely one of the first modern day serial killers.
For a few months olde London was thrown into panic as night time came about. People would be petrified that they would be Jack's next victim, and the most petrified of them all were the prostitutes. Nobody wanted to be near the prostitutes, and the prostitutes themselves kinda had a going out of business sale on.
So, last night I was at the pub and saw many hoodies running around, proving to themselves that Darwin's theory isnt working correctly. And it struck me...we dont need regulation, or Brussels, or Tony Blair to sort this out, heck, we dont even need any police.
Let's get Jack back.
But tweak him for the modern society, reprogram him to hoodie mode. Let him loose on modern London, with some modern weapons, and have him target hoodies for a couple of months.
I would be willing to wager sales of hoodies would plummet like Tony Blair's popularity. I would also wager that the next time I see a hoodie in my life it would be worn by the Grim Reaper, and not some Romford snot-nose.
They would all be cowering in fear, hiding in mommy's basement lest others point to them and cry "HIM!! He used to wear a HOODIE!!! RUN"
Now, who's going to vote for me? :-)
For a few months olde London was thrown into panic as night time came about. People would be petrified that they would be Jack's next victim, and the most petrified of them all were the prostitutes. Nobody wanted to be near the prostitutes, and the prostitutes themselves kinda had a going out of business sale on.
So, last night I was at the pub and saw many hoodies running around, proving to themselves that Darwin's theory isnt working correctly. And it struck me...we dont need regulation, or Brussels, or Tony Blair to sort this out, heck, we dont even need any police.
Let's get Jack back.
But tweak him for the modern society, reprogram him to hoodie mode. Let him loose on modern London, with some modern weapons, and have him target hoodies for a couple of months.
I would be willing to wager sales of hoodies would plummet like Tony Blair's popularity. I would also wager that the next time I see a hoodie in my life it would be worn by the Grim Reaper, and not some Romford snot-nose.
They would all be cowering in fear, hiding in mommy's basement lest others point to them and cry "HIM!! He used to wear a HOODIE!!! RUN"
Now, who's going to vote for me? :-)
Friday 25 May 2007
Everything is broken
Pondering the universe today, as per my usual lunch break, when I realised there would be a use on this planet for a website similar to digg, but for logging failures on modern electronic equipement, for the purpose of collecting enough info to launch a class action.
The reasoning behind this is pretty simple, so wont take much explaining. Everything is broken. Always. If you see something that you think isnt broken, it is because you havent looked hard enough. As the world turns and software creeps its way into everyday devices, like fridges, toasters, your pvr under the tv, your tv itself etc, the prevalence of bugs increases.
And there will always be a bug. But perhaps you dont realise it, or arent using the itme in a specific configuration so the bug doesnt raise its head. BUt it does exist.
What is needed is for everyone who believes they have a problem to be able to log it effectively somehow, and for others to chime in their 2c worth if they can replicate it. Once a critical mass of similar faults are recorded a class action can be launched.
Heck, the site would be a breeding ground for lawyers.
Just a thought...it is bound to get worse before it gets better...
The reasoning behind this is pretty simple, so wont take much explaining. Everything is broken. Always. If you see something that you think isnt broken, it is because you havent looked hard enough. As the world turns and software creeps its way into everyday devices, like fridges, toasters, your pvr under the tv, your tv itself etc, the prevalence of bugs increases.
And there will always be a bug. But perhaps you dont realise it, or arent using the itme in a specific configuration so the bug doesnt raise its head. BUt it does exist.
What is needed is for everyone who believes they have a problem to be able to log it effectively somehow, and for others to chime in their 2c worth if they can replicate it. Once a critical mass of similar faults are recorded a class action can be launched.
Heck, the site would be a breeding ground for lawyers.
Just a thought...it is bound to get worse before it gets better...
Thursday 24 May 2007
Hand Washing Rituals of the Modern Man
Before I let you in on my secret I have to say that I am a clean, well-washed young man who loves having his bath in the morning. And a cup of coffee, and a smoke.
And off to work we go. Open car door, close car door, get to work, open office door, walk around building, close doors etc. Lots of opening and closing.
And touching. Touching lots of foreign things. Foreign, dirty things, which werent washed that morning, probably full of germs farms.
And so it comes to that ritual I do after coffee, the morning piss at work. Have a nice long leak and a shake, then go wash my hands.
This is all expected human behaviour. But now, I am having a bit of a wonder here. My very dirty hands were used in the bathroom to support my male organ. Yes, the clean male organ that had a good wash that same morning, then got cottoned up in clean underwear and whisked off to work with me. But I washed my hands????? This defies logic.
There seems to be only two solutions that actually make sense, as the current one is giving me grey hairs trying to decipher.
We should
1) Wash hands before going to the toilet (and if you have bad aim, after toilet too)
2) Forget the hands, but invent some male organ washing machine that can clean your dangly bits AFTER you have touched it with your filthy hands.
But once again I ask, why do we wash our HANDS after toilet?
And off to work we go. Open car door, close car door, get to work, open office door, walk around building, close doors etc. Lots of opening and closing.
And touching. Touching lots of foreign things. Foreign, dirty things, which werent washed that morning, probably full of germs farms.
And so it comes to that ritual I do after coffee, the morning piss at work. Have a nice long leak and a shake, then go wash my hands.
This is all expected human behaviour. But now, I am having a bit of a wonder here. My very dirty hands were used in the bathroom to support my male organ. Yes, the clean male organ that had a good wash that same morning, then got cottoned up in clean underwear and whisked off to work with me. But I washed my hands????? This defies logic.
There seems to be only two solutions that actually make sense, as the current one is giving me grey hairs trying to decipher.
We should
1) Wash hands before going to the toilet (and if you have bad aim, after toilet too)
2) Forget the hands, but invent some male organ washing machine that can clean your dangly bits AFTER you have touched it with your filthy hands.
But once again I ask, why do we wash our HANDS after toilet?
Wednesday 23 May 2007
My girlfriend used to be this dirty
Sometimes, you just have to wonder how the hell some people managed to escape Darwin. The evolution of our species should mean that the rubbish cant procreate and eventually, they die, unable to pass their tarnished genes on to the next generation.
Occasionally, it must be said, one escapes the net. I blame alcohol. Alcohol has the ability to make stupid unattractive guys appealing to the fairer sex.
Which means, of course, the following photos cannot have come from Iran or a similar country. No sir, this excuse for a human hails from the land of the big great cloud. And what follows is a short photo story of the inside of his pc.
He came to me complaining that windows would occasionally not boot up completely, random reboots etc. My first instinct was heat. I wasnt wrong. I just didnt know how right I was.
This humble lump of plastic and metal left china about a year ago, nice 'n shiny. Now, it is just being abused.
If you can stomach it, read on.
Here is a lovely view with the front panel removed. You can see the dust has actually started to grow. I would hate to see what this person's house looks like.
It gets worse...viewed from the side the fur is about 2 inches long
one more pic, so you know this is for real
un-fucking-believable...
This pc was one year old, not some 10 year old gunk dug out of a cupboard. The techies refused to work on it, and we sent it back to the customer to clean (sterilise?) before we touched it further. The thing smelled bad too.
Occasionally, it must be said, one escapes the net. I blame alcohol. Alcohol has the ability to make stupid unattractive guys appealing to the fairer sex.
Which means, of course, the following photos cannot have come from Iran or a similar country. No sir, this excuse for a human hails from the land of the big great cloud. And what follows is a short photo story of the inside of his pc.
He came to me complaining that windows would occasionally not boot up completely, random reboots etc. My first instinct was heat. I wasnt wrong. I just didnt know how right I was.
This humble lump of plastic and metal left china about a year ago, nice 'n shiny. Now, it is just being abused.
If you can stomach it, read on.
Here is a lovely view with the front panel removed. You can see the dust has actually started to grow. I would hate to see what this person's house looks like.
It gets worse...viewed from the side the fur is about 2 inches long
one more pic, so you know this is for real
un-fucking-believable...
This pc was one year old, not some 10 year old gunk dug out of a cupboard. The techies refused to work on it, and we sent it back to the customer to clean (sterilise?) before we touched it further. The thing smelled bad too.
Tuesday 22 May 2007
The various levels of suckage - Windows MCE
time for another moan, bet you couldnt wait. I've been using windows mce 2004/2005/vista mce since they came out. So I have a valid opinion on it.
I also worked for a company which designed dedicated media center machines. Slick looking boxes for under the tv action. drool. Around 20000 sold, and counting. So that means I have a very valid opinion.
My son has a mce machine in his room, I have one in the lounge, and my car is running mce. I also got my brother and sister set up with mce.
So now I have a very very very valid opinion.
That means you have to sit and listen while I moan, because I am not moaning due to having a bad day. I am moaning due to this piece of crap microsoft is trying to tout to all and sundry. Yes, I have given it a good innings, more than most would attempt, and I still use it for lack of anything else wife friendly. That doesnt make it good.
So, lets begin the suckage tour, in random order.
1) Vista MCE UI elements. Guys, you stuck a new menu on the front of all the pages, the slick looking sliding up and down and left and right semi-transparent sections look great, especially with live tv playing in the background when browsing the menus. Then you go one layer deeper, and wtf is this? mce2005 menus, no transparent overlay type background...all back to the way it was. What happened? did you run out of money to pay the people to sort out the rest of the pages? You sold me the same product, with a different frontend, but the frontend is only partially new. The rest is still the same. Here is some advice. There are only two ways to do anything: YOU CAN DO IT RIGHT, OR YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN. As far as Vista MCE is concerned, you are going to have to do it again.
2) Live tv quality. Not all of us live in the land of OTA HD via ATSC and cablecard tuners. Some of us gotta take our set top boxes and feed them into an analogue tv tuner card. I own around 11 analog tuners. I made it a mission to find and select the best one over a period of time. Currently, it is a theatre 550 implemented on a pci-e x1 interface. It still sucks. Sure, I have a 40" Sony Bravia lcd (massively lovely colours) but it really sucks. You lose the upper 5% of colour range, and the picture is less defined. Why? because the stupid tuners need to get fed via svideo or composite. Where is my rgb enabled tv capture??? up the creek, that is where. In this day and age it is not imaginable to feed a 40" or bigger tv with an svideo signal. Sorry, that doesnt cut it. set top box--->svideo--->theatre 550--->hdmi--->lcd tv. lowest signal is the svideo, and it degrades everything else with it. Of course, we had cards such as the sweetspot with proper rgb capture, but noooo.....lets not help the guys with developing a software wrapper for this card, lets have everybody use svideo or composite for feeding their $2000 pc's. There, I said it. You couldve done better. Now, go back and do it again
3) What the hell is up with the music - Media Center PC. the center of my media. This includes music. Why is this so hard to understand. Why did winamp in circa 2000 have this down pitty pat and here I have a dual core machine which is sluggish when searching my music databse? Did I did up the graves of 1000 dead indian chief, piss in them and then chuck the bodies back? No, I just bought a microsoft product. I will let you decide which is a worse sin.
4) Pictures - what? did you have some space left on the menu and thought "lets tack something in there, like a picture module, but do it quickly before launch". The picture module is basic. Very basic. In fact, I do not get a semi-hardon when thinking about the picture module. Much less in fact. I would prefer you to leave it out. That way, I wont have to maon about it being a lump of junk, plus maybe my menus would be faster without having to skip over this module.
5) media database. Now guys, let me tell you a secret. Music goes into c:\mp3 and videos goes into c:\videos. That isnt rocket science. Just good housekeeping...you remember good housekeeping right? So, why change things....why for the love of $diety did you go mess about with this in vista mce? why do you expect c:\media with subfolder mp3 and videos? What gives you the right to dictate my filesystem preference? To those that dont know what I am talking about, you now have a media pool. This shits on so many levels I cant begin to explain all of it, but suffice to say that album coverart stored in c:\mp3's now gets added to the picture library. please, someone, shoot someone else before they think they have another clever idea.
6) where is softsled? oh wait, I know, it competed with the mce part of the xbxo 360, so you pulled it well and good. So now, instead of having one good beefy mce machine centralised (windows home server???) with little xp machines littered around the house pulling data off it, younow want me to plonk an mce machine under each telly, and have them operate in little glass houses by themselves. each with it's own tuner, not being able to share recorded tv without creative registry hacks. That smell, that is my dick in your mouth. Bastards. Client - server, I have heard of it. Have you?
7) your mce keyboard, the little nipple mouse thingy. My wife has nipples, two of them. They both work. Why cant you even get your ONE to work? I get a cramp thinking about it, yet ibm thinpads had perfectly functioning nipple mouses long before half of your hardware designers were but a distant thought in their dad's ball-bag.
8) Your mce remote is nice, I like the programmable tv power button. It can make my tv switch off. Of course, it cant make it switch on, I mean who the heck wants their tv on? They may just see the horrid picture quality of vista mce in action. Quite a few tv's I have seen want one button push to bring them out of standby, then another to select the channel the pc is on (hdmi or vga). Some can automatically go back to the last channel they were on. If that is the case, then only some of your customers will be happy. The rest of us will look at that programmable tv button and say "what a fscking half-job". I have an idea for you, implement functionality like hip to use a second ir wand to send macro type ir blasts to accomodate the other 80% of people.
9) My wife just told me "neighbours" didnt record today, as per the scheduled series setting. Do you wanna go explain that to her? I cant. It . Just. Makes. No. Sense.
10) My son just called, his mce2005 box has resumed from standby but is now sitting on the mce menu and wont respond to the remote control. I have been here before with his machine, it needs a reboot. windows is like that. I told him it is probably because it is "made in china". That is our code word for "does not work". Mostly his box is maintenance free. But, as I said at the beginning if this post, a mostly working mce machine, multiplied by the number of machines I oversee means that every night something goes wrong, and I have to drop what I am doing to go sort it out. Like a tv tech support person, living the microsoft dream.
need a bfg, that is what I need...a bfg..
I also worked for a company which designed dedicated media center machines. Slick looking boxes for under the tv action. drool. Around 20000 sold, and counting. So that means I have a very valid opinion.
My son has a mce machine in his room, I have one in the lounge, and my car is running mce. I also got my brother and sister set up with mce.
So now I have a very very very valid opinion.
That means you have to sit and listen while I moan, because I am not moaning due to having a bad day. I am moaning due to this piece of crap microsoft is trying to tout to all and sundry. Yes, I have given it a good innings, more than most would attempt, and I still use it for lack of anything else wife friendly. That doesnt make it good.
So, lets begin the suckage tour, in random order.
1) Vista MCE UI elements. Guys, you stuck a new menu on the front of all the pages, the slick looking sliding up and down and left and right semi-transparent sections look great, especially with live tv playing in the background when browsing the menus. Then you go one layer deeper, and wtf is this? mce2005 menus, no transparent overlay type background...all back to the way it was. What happened? did you run out of money to pay the people to sort out the rest of the pages? You sold me the same product, with a different frontend, but the frontend is only partially new. The rest is still the same. Here is some advice. There are only two ways to do anything: YOU CAN DO IT RIGHT, OR YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN. As far as Vista MCE is concerned, you are going to have to do it again.
2) Live tv quality. Not all of us live in the land of OTA HD via ATSC and cablecard tuners. Some of us gotta take our set top boxes and feed them into an analogue tv tuner card. I own around 11 analog tuners. I made it a mission to find and select the best one over a period of time. Currently, it is a theatre 550 implemented on a pci-e x1 interface. It still sucks. Sure, I have a 40" Sony Bravia lcd (massively lovely colours) but it really sucks. You lose the upper 5% of colour range, and the picture is less defined. Why? because the stupid tuners need to get fed via svideo or composite. Where is my rgb enabled tv capture??? up the creek, that is where. In this day and age it is not imaginable to feed a 40" or bigger tv with an svideo signal. Sorry, that doesnt cut it. set top box--->svideo--->theatre 550--->hdmi--->lcd tv. lowest signal is the svideo, and it degrades everything else with it. Of course, we had cards such as the sweetspot with proper rgb capture, but noooo.....lets not help the guys with developing a software wrapper for this card, lets have everybody use svideo or composite for feeding their $2000 pc's. There, I said it. You couldve done better. Now, go back and do it again
3) What the hell is up with the music - Media Center PC. the center of my media. This includes music. Why is this so hard to understand. Why did winamp in circa 2000 have this down pitty pat and here I have a dual core machine which is sluggish when searching my music databse? Did I did up the graves of 1000 dead indian chief, piss in them and then chuck the bodies back? No, I just bought a microsoft product. I will let you decide which is a worse sin.
4) Pictures - what? did you have some space left on the menu and thought "lets tack something in there, like a picture module, but do it quickly before launch". The picture module is basic. Very basic. In fact, I do not get a semi-hardon when thinking about the picture module. Much less in fact. I would prefer you to leave it out. That way, I wont have to maon about it being a lump of junk, plus maybe my menus would be faster without having to skip over this module.
5) media database. Now guys, let me tell you a secret. Music goes into c:\mp3 and videos goes into c:\videos. That isnt rocket science. Just good housekeeping...you remember good housekeeping right? So, why change things....why for the love of $diety did you go mess about with this in vista mce? why do you expect c:\media with subfolder mp3 and videos? What gives you the right to dictate my filesystem preference? To those that dont know what I am talking about, you now have a media pool. This shits on so many levels I cant begin to explain all of it, but suffice to say that album coverart stored in c:\mp3's now gets added to the picture library. please, someone, shoot someone else before they think they have another clever idea.
6) where is softsled? oh wait, I know, it competed with the mce part of the xbxo 360, so you pulled it well and good. So now, instead of having one good beefy mce machine centralised (windows home server???) with little xp machines littered around the house pulling data off it, younow want me to plonk an mce machine under each telly, and have them operate in little glass houses by themselves. each with it's own tuner, not being able to share recorded tv without creative registry hacks. That smell, that is my dick in your mouth. Bastards. Client - server, I have heard of it. Have you?
7) your mce keyboard, the little nipple mouse thingy. My wife has nipples, two of them. They both work. Why cant you even get your ONE to work? I get a cramp thinking about it, yet ibm thinpads had perfectly functioning nipple mouses long before half of your hardware designers were but a distant thought in their dad's ball-bag.
8) Your mce remote is nice, I like the programmable tv power button. It can make my tv switch off. Of course, it cant make it switch on, I mean who the heck wants their tv on? They may just see the horrid picture quality of vista mce in action. Quite a few tv's I have seen want one button push to bring them out of standby, then another to select the channel the pc is on (hdmi or vga). Some can automatically go back to the last channel they were on. If that is the case, then only some of your customers will be happy. The rest of us will look at that programmable tv button and say "what a fscking half-job". I have an idea for you, implement functionality like hip to use a second ir wand to send macro type ir blasts to accomodate the other 80% of people.
9) My wife just told me "neighbours" didnt record today, as per the scheduled series setting. Do you wanna go explain that to her? I cant. It . Just. Makes. No. Sense.
10) My son just called, his mce2005 box has resumed from standby but is now sitting on the mce menu and wont respond to the remote control. I have been here before with his machine, it needs a reboot. windows is like that. I told him it is probably because it is "made in china". That is our code word for "does not work". Mostly his box is maintenance free. But, as I said at the beginning if this post, a mostly working mce machine, multiplied by the number of machines I oversee means that every night something goes wrong, and I have to drop what I am doing to go sort it out. Like a tv tech support person, living the microsoft dream.
need a bfg, that is what I need...a bfg..
The Grumpy Middle-aged Perfectionist
so, the time has come for me to get a spot on the web and moan like a crack-whore on a saturday night outside a kebab shop. I have decided to park myself "here" for the time being. I will do a lot of moaning, hopefully most of it will be legitimate. I want to moan, call it therapy if you will. Fuck it, nobody else listens nowdays as the modern world is all about "me me me me me, handout handout handout handout" whereas I grew up in a "us us us, build build build, community community community" style-household.
There, first post and alienated around half the population below 30. And just getting warmed up.
and on to the purpose of this post (and to slide in my first moan). I want to introduce myself, so the returning readers get an idea of the pleb behind the keyboard. My name is Warren. I didnt pick it, neither did my parents. Just some dumb shitheads cant pronounce a perfectly normal name, albeit not 100% english, so I have decided to use this mis-pronounciation instead. It makes life easier on those not blessed with two brain cells to rub together.
Mr Warren just cant stand bad design, or bad logic (I determine "bad" in this sense of the word to mean anything I dont agree with. You may stop reading now if you so choose.) Mr Warren will also wax lyrically about the good old days occasionally. As long as you understand good old days to mean 1980 and 1990. Before we all got this craving for "instant" fucking everything. Instant messaging, instant pvr tv loving. Mobile phone ring me whenever it is convenient for you lifestyles.
Which, quite naturally, brings me to my first point I am going to make. Mobile/cellular phones.
Those that know me also know I dont own one. Ok, sorry, that is a half-truth. I do own one, I just dont know where it is. I think it fell down the crack between the sofa cushions sometime in the last century and I havent bothered to go look for it. Some of you may think "my god, how can he survive", yet, here I am , perfectly functioning and breathing human being. And may I add, happier because of it. See, the damn things, you guys take them with you everywhere, you pull them out at the slightest opportunity to show your friends the blinky lights and download ringtones for 99c of a shit song that loops for 30sec when the actual full single song is that price on itunes. Basically, "they" have got you hooked on them. You are now part of a balance sheet. And you think you are cool because of it.
(tinfoil hats will be on sale at the end of this post)
secondly (thirdly?), people can now phone you when it is convenient. the problem is, convenient for who? the initiator of the phone call decides to ring you, because THEY have the time. However, there is no mobile phone on this planet that can tell you whether the person you are phoning is NOT busy fucking your mom at that moment. It may not be convenient for them to answer. Yet, the damn thing will ring. Like this "hammer time...duh du du duh, du duh, cant touch this" and now you expect the owner of the phone to drop everything, and push the button. Like a well trained chimpanzee. ringing sound=push button.
Whichever deity you listen to, let me tell you, he/she didnt design you as some entity well trained at responding to a noise by pushing a button. You are HUMAN, capable of thought. Capable of making a decision. You do not *have* to do anything. You ALWAYS have a choice.
Do the right thing, show your creator you are free-spirited and next time the phone rings, just ignore it. You will get a warm fuzzy feeling inside knowing you have just regained control of your life.
And if you are panicking that maybe someone really really needs to get hold of you, dont worry, if it is urgent they will ring again. And perhaps it may be convenient for you to pick it up this time. Or perhaps you will be doing something more important, like watching paint dry.
There, first post and alienated around half the population below 30. And just getting warmed up.
and on to the purpose of this post (and to slide in my first moan). I want to introduce myself, so the returning readers get an idea of the pleb behind the keyboard. My name is Warren. I didnt pick it, neither did my parents. Just some dumb shitheads cant pronounce a perfectly normal name, albeit not 100% english, so I have decided to use this mis-pronounciation instead. It makes life easier on those not blessed with two brain cells to rub together.
Mr Warren just cant stand bad design, or bad logic (I determine "bad" in this sense of the word to mean anything I dont agree with. You may stop reading now if you so choose.) Mr Warren will also wax lyrically about the good old days occasionally. As long as you understand good old days to mean 1980 and 1990. Before we all got this craving for "instant" fucking everything. Instant messaging, instant pvr tv loving. Mobile phone ring me whenever it is convenient for you lifestyles.
Which, quite naturally, brings me to my first point I am going to make. Mobile/cellular phones.
Those that know me also know I dont own one. Ok, sorry, that is a half-truth. I do own one, I just dont know where it is. I think it fell down the crack between the sofa cushions sometime in the last century and I havent bothered to go look for it. Some of you may think "my god, how can he survive", yet, here I am , perfectly functioning and breathing human being. And may I add, happier because of it. See, the damn things, you guys take them with you everywhere, you pull them out at the slightest opportunity to show your friends the blinky lights and download ringtones for 99c of a shit song that loops for 30sec when the actual full single song is that price on itunes. Basically, "they" have got you hooked on them. You are now part of a balance sheet. And you think you are cool because of it.
(tinfoil hats will be on sale at the end of this post)
secondly (thirdly?), people can now phone you when it is convenient. the problem is, convenient for who? the initiator of the phone call decides to ring you, because THEY have the time. However, there is no mobile phone on this planet that can tell you whether the person you are phoning is NOT busy fucking your mom at that moment. It may not be convenient for them to answer. Yet, the damn thing will ring. Like this "hammer time...duh du du duh, du duh, cant touch this" and now you expect the owner of the phone to drop everything, and push the button. Like a well trained chimpanzee. ringing sound=push button.
Whichever deity you listen to, let me tell you, he/she didnt design you as some entity well trained at responding to a noise by pushing a button. You are HUMAN, capable of thought. Capable of making a decision. You do not *have* to do anything. You ALWAYS have a choice.
Do the right thing, show your creator you are free-spirited and next time the phone rings, just ignore it. You will get a warm fuzzy feeling inside knowing you have just regained control of your life.
And if you are panicking that maybe someone really really needs to get hold of you, dont worry, if it is urgent they will ring again. And perhaps it may be convenient for you to pick it up this time. Or perhaps you will be doing something more important, like watching paint dry.
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